As I mentioned in my first blog post, I’ve been navigating the single life and dating myself for the past few years. Lately, I’ve been pondering a few questions: Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve milestones by a certain age? Why does society equate finding “the one” to success? Is it due to evolution? Tradition? Perhaps it’s the fear of being alone with nothing but a dozen cats for company. Nothing wrong with that by the way – Taylor Swift is walking proof that cats and success go hand in hand.
As I tossed and turned in bed one night, I thought: we don’t need to follow the traditional path to be successful or find happiness. Some individuals discover their true love at the age of 20, others at 40; some discover their true passion at 50; others embark on entrepreneurial ventures at the age of 60. There’s no “right” timeline. I think timelines are just social myths.
I’ve been owning my single-girl era and redefining the meaning of success and here’s how you can too.
Talk to strangers
Dating in the digital age can be exciting but overwhelming. Swiping culture has redefined dating itself. I am not a fan of dating apps, but I personally know people who have had success with them. I love that for ya’ll. 🥲
For me, I prefer focusing on fostering genuine connections and being open to meeting people in person. I don’t know if it’s because we didn’t really meet people in person during the pandemic, but I get such an adrenaline rush from approaching strangers and starting a conversation. If you get nervous, it really helps to tell yourself that we’re only here for a short amount of time and that we’re on a floating rock pretending to know what we’re doing. Talk to that person at a coffee shop you make eye contact with – you never know what kind of friendship (or romance) will bloom from it. Talk to people and connect with them. In the end, those moments are what make life worthwhile.
*Speaking of the digital age, AI produced a really creepy wedding photo of me. Check it out below.
Foster friendships
As I’ve gotten older (and a tad wiser), building a strong support system has become a priority for me. I believe having a tight-knit group of friends and/or family is essential no matter what stage of life you’re in. Surrounding yourself with friends who inspire you, want the best for you, and uplift you makes a world of difference. The people who are there for both the heartbreaks and the celebrations are the ones you should keep around. We are social creatures after all, and loneliness can affect not only our mental health but physical health as well. In fact, it puts us at greater risk of heart disease, cancer, and premature death.
Ask yourself the important questions
One of the most significant advantages of being single is the opportunity to discover who you really are and what you love doing. I’ve never felt more confident in my likes, dislikes, passions, values, and interests than I do now. I know what I want out of life. It’s a great time to explore your passions, talents, and interests without compromise. I feel like you should do this at any given time, but especially when you’re single. Ask yourself: What do I really love doing? What excites me and gets me out of bed every morning? What do I stand for? What do I value? Then get ready for an existential crisis. Just kidding. Kind of.
Redefine your meaning of success
I think it’s only natural that we challenge this societal notion that success is synonymous with certain milestones (i.e. marriage, having kids). Success is highly subjective. I love this quote in Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey:
“The question we need to ask ourselves is: what is success to us? More money? That’s fine. A healthy family? A happy marriage? Helping others? To be famous? Spiritually sound? To express ourselves? To create art? To leave the world a better place than we found it?
Ever had those moments when you’re just casually scrolling through Instagram and you see another engagement or baby announcement? While those moments should be celebrated, we shouldn’t compare our own timelines to them. I know, I know easier said than done. I swear Instagram has officially replaced comparison as the thief of joy.
So what if your bestie landed her dream job before you did? So what if your aunt is walking down the aisle for the second time while you’re still single and fabulous? Totally not self-projecting here. 😜 Those events don’t define your worth. Maybe you want to create art, express yourself by writing, or leave the world a better place than you found it. And that can be YOUR version of success.
Own your single girl (or guy) era
One thing I’ve come to fully understand is that being single does not equate to being incomplete; being single means having the freedom to prioritize personal growth, mental health, passion projects (I have a lot of those!), and career aspirations. Not to say that we can’t do that while in a relationship, but there’s something empowering about having that extra time and space to invest in ourselves.
I hope that in this era of our lives, we learn the art of self-love and self-acceptance and that we realize that our worth is not contingent upon our relationship status or society’s expectations of us. Instead, we should recognize that our journey is valid and worthy, no matter what age we achieve our goals and dreams. ◡̈
*Here’s the wedding photo produced by AI. It’s weird because it’s me…but it’s not. 😂
Serotonin + Co. 